I get frustrated sometimes with my memory and feel like my mind is a bowl of srambled eggs. Lately, I have been driving and forget how to get to my destination or where I was even going. That is a bit unnerving and frightening!
Sometimes, I walk from one room to the next and forget what I was searching for. It’s not until I start walking back to the previous room, that I remember.
Mental illness in itself is difficult to understand and to cope with it. However, Alzheimer’s/dementia is a gruesome monster that devours ones mind, spirit and lives. Many family members are not able to adjust to the major alterations in their loved ones life. They may tend to avoid them, feel guilt over their inability to help, become angry, develop resentment toward them and dont really understand the dynamics of the disease itself. The behavior and actions of the stricken person are not intentional. They are not at fault. They are prisoners of their own minds.
Mom and I together, have been encountering the many ugly faces of dementia; memory loss, poor judgment, confusion, anger, paranoia, delusions, hallucinations, agitation, behavioral aggression, misplaced items, resisting assistance and guidance, personality changes, restlessness, depression, irritability, wandering in and out of the house in the middle of the night, and continuous repetitive questions. And the list goes on. Loss of appetite is another symptom, however my mom’s appetite is still pretty good, maybe because I’m such a good cook, lol. I always say, when her appetite goes then I’ll be concerned.
Mom and I have been engaging in quality time with several elderly women including Sharon (my son in law’s mom) at Capstone, a senior living facility. Sharon is in the lock down area of the facility to protect her from wandering but many other residents have more liberties. We visit with some women outside the facility, while they gawk and play with Pumpkin, my 7 pound min pin.
There are several women we have befriended who all have some stage of dementia and they are each so different. The memory loss, however, is the one constant among them all. My mom will talk and interact, if she can hear you. She is generally a happy person and seems to enjoy her life.
Sharon is sullen, quiet, and disinterested in her surroundings. I attempt to entertain her and discover something that she might enjoy, but I constantly fail. When I visit Sharon, we barely talk and she is not interested in anything, but every time I leave, she asks, “When are you coming back?” I answer her and then she says, “I'de
like that?”
Then there is a very sweet, friendly, and joyful woman named Johanna.
She instantly fell in love with Pumpkin and we became friends. She sings like an angel. She talks freely and remembers the lyrics to more songs than I do and quoted a poem that she wrote earlier in her life. Johanna had also put the poem to music and sang it for us. I was blown away. She sang her song with such passion, it brought tears to my eyes.
As I visit with these women, I felt a gnawing ache in my heart, even though all three seem content in this stage of their disease. I imagined how strange it must be, not to be able to totally care for themselves, remember what they ate 15 minutes ago, or like my mom, remember how many children she birthed. Parts of their memories are lost forever. But these are my feelings of sorrow not theirs.
Please remember the real me when I
cannot remember you. Julie White
They are still women who lived a full life. They loved and lost. They laughed and cried. They had adventures and accomplished much. They just can’t remember them; or other events, people or how to carry out the simple activities of daily living. These women and others with dementia still deserve to be noticed, loved, respected and to live life as best as they can with dignity. They need companionship even if they don’t or can’t acknowledge their visitors.
It is not easy caring for a loved one with memory loss especially in the early and the end stages. The middle stage is where mom and I are now and we have settled into a comfortable routine. The child has become the parent and the parent the child.
I am enjoying her and she is enjoying her life as it is.
But if a widow has children or grandchildren,
let them first learn to show godliness to their own household
and to make some return to their parents, for this is pleasing in the sight of God.
1 Timothy 5:4
Mom says, “You come into the world and are put in a diaper and when you get old, you are put into diapers again."
Although your loved one may not remember you or might do things that frustrate you, this is the time when he or she needs you the most. Angie Nunez Merryman
Most illnesses attack the body; Alzheimer’s destroys the mind- and in the process, annihilates the very self. Jeff Kluger
Though those with Alzheimer’s might forget us, we as a society must remember them. Scott Kirshenbaum
Www.mymaryandmartha.com/26206
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