When my life is flowing smoothly, I feel like I am in control of my circumstances.
But when illness, home repairs, financial issues and world tragedies engulf my thoughts and life, I realize the only one who is in control is God.
I believe that I am a strong woman of faith and I can bravely face unexpected hardships without anxiety, but I have not arrived to that level of trust that I imagine I can obtain. I want to be able to say “Come what may!" and to not obsess or over think or over plan, but to rejoice in the Lord at all times! Relaxing and totally trusting in the Lord during chaotic situations takes time for me to process.
The numerous situations I have encountered since June have shaken me up and rocked my world and not in a positive way. I have been trusting God but also trying to assist Him with moving things along a little faster. I have rejoiced that things were not worse then what they were and thankful that I am more fortunate than so many others but to say that I found joy in everything, I’d be lying. When anxiety and urgency creep into every crevice of my mind and turns my brain to mush, it isn’t easy to concentrate on trust. Praying without seeing any improvement or hearing anything from God, sometimes feels like a waste of time. I had to push through these moments of doubt and seek the heart of my Father. I furiously sought to have the mind of Christ even in the midst of turmoil.
I realized I had to trust God completely because there was nothing that I could do to fix the situations that bombarded me such as my health issuess and expensive home repairs. I didn’t cause any of these problems and I had no control over the outcome. My future was in the hands of God and others. I stopped trying to manipulate my situation, when every door I tried to open, slammed shut. I struggled to rest and be at peace while doing nothing, as God remained silent. I know He is always at work even when He is not visibly on the move. He was always with me, listening to me whine and make my plans, and He most probably, LOL.
God knows the why, the when, and the how of everything that occurs in my life, now and with in the next few months and beyond. He sees my past, present and the future. He knows the outcome of my struggles and He knows the solutions. As I realized this I began to breathe and let go. He is aware, He cares for me and He will provide for me because He always has a plan and it is good. I finally, let go of trying to be in charge and I am relaxing in Him. Even when new
tests of my faith pop up unexpectedly, I just shrug my shoulders and smirk as I realize that I am under siege from an enemy that is determined to take me down.
Come what may, oh Lord!
Grumbling and complaining didn’t do any good so I put all my concerns and to do list in His hands. We, together accomplished one task at a time. I stopped planning and trying to figure out how to work all things out for my good and in my time and started to praise God for who He is and how He is going to "Show Out" on my behalf. He is worthy of my praise!
Consider it a great joy, my brothers and sisters,
whenever you experience various trials,
because you know the testing of your
faith produces endurance.
James 1:2-3
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